He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
