Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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