Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
