6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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