U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
