you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just want nice things and good sex
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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