I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
