guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
