you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
