I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
