Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Drake has all the answers
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
