My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
