I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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