I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
