you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
