they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
