I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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