Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Two words: nipple clamps
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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