When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
