If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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