you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
only you would photoshop your dick
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
