I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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