normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
