i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
