Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
