Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
