Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
