How'd it feel making her break her religion?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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