last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
