if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
