I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
