had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
