This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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