Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
