I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
