dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if i died would you start the facebook group?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
