went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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