you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
