You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
