Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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