You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
