It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
