I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
