I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
