Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
