I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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