I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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