Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
