I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
