the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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