Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
