It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
