You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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