thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
