i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
