I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
