THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
