Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
dude. I can hear the air.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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