Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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