I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You've changed since you got that strap on
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
