there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
