HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
