last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
