there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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