Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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