dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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