just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
