He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I understand Curling. That high.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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