Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There's always time for handjobs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
