you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
