The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
