Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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