After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
