he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Found the puke drawer
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Boobs speak an international language.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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