Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
