i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
