I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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