is your mom at the bar?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
