Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
