I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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